25 things I hate about FACEBOOK

Julian Smith, a self-proclaimed "scatterbrained creative type," made this video about Facebook and the 25 things he most hates about it. He gets many things right. I hate when people tag me in ugly photos, especially when they look good in them and are engaging in an unacceptable level of schadenfreude.

Here’s the complete list of 25 random things Julian hates on Facebook:

1. 25 Things Notes
2. Poking
3. “Happy Birthday” Wall Posts (they all say “Happy Birthday”)
4. Compare People App
5. Pillow Fight Requests
6. Facebook Chat
7. Gifts
8. Abusing Status Updates (way too many)
9. Old people on Facebook (there should be an age limit)
10. Event invites
11. Group invites (they keep sending them)
12. Top Friend Drama
13. Webcam Video Comments
14. Flair
15. Bumper Stickers
16. Detail Requests (nobody cares)
17. Relative Requests
18. Bad Tagged Photos
19. “LOST PHONE” Facebook Exploitation
20. People You May (Not) Know
21. Creepy Ads
22. Threads (send one comment and you’re notified every day for the rest of your life)
23. Picture Shrinkage
24. Duplicate Pictures
25. Facebook Relationship Gossip

Then again, there is a simple way of avoiding all these things: not being a member of the site.

1. Pressing the like button & receiving 85 notifications
2. Facebook chat
3. Not being able to type on Facebook chat
4. Daily photo spam telling you how your in a tagged photo, and then asking you everyday if you want to find your new photo
5. Social interview questions from people you don't know, or when all of your 242 friends decided to do it at once
6. Farmville gifts, mafia war gifts, gifts.
7. People that post something everytime they level up on a game.
8. The layout changing all the time.
9. Group invites about people you don't know
10. People who post quiz results all day long.
11. That random adder from another country that looks suspiously like a pedo.
12. People who think facebook is twitter, we don't need 35 posts telling us how you're going to asda, how you've arrived at asda, what you've brought at asda, how your paying at asda, how you're on your way back from asda, how your home from asda, how you're packing the shopping away from asda, how you forgot something from asda BECAUSE YOU WHERE TOO BUSY SPAMMING MY NEWS FEED.
13. People who whore up there youtube by sending links every five minutes.
14. People feel you need the challenge of working out how to read words made of numbers and vowels.
15. People who wont leave your facebook wall alone.
16. The girl who comments on everyones photos saying 'you look gorgeous' when everyone knows they're lieing and only want comments in return.
17. Inbox spam from groups asking you to get more members.
18. If we get 45,000,000,000 memberes i'll feed you some bullshit, because i've jumped on the band wagon.
19. Would you kiss mike? yes or no? is sarah good looking? yes or no? -click to see answer- you need to answer 15 questions, to which you will answer no to every question, skip 75% of the questions, only to learn that the kid who bullied you in year six wouldn't go on a date with you and your best friend would give you a lap dance.
20. People have relationships on facebook. it's private, not public

Top 15 things you should never do on Facebook

Love them or hate them, social networking sites are here to stay. Facebook and MySpace are among the most popular destinations on the web. And even though they can be extremely annoying, there is one inescapable fact: the most irritating thing about Facebook is the 100m-strong army of people who use it.

When was the last thing you looked at your feed without someone posting an embarrassing picture, or someone else saying something irritating in their status update?

Here are the top 15 things you should never do on Facebook:

1. Use Facebook mail instead of proper email
Are you silly? When you Facebook mail me, I have to log into my real email to find that I then have to go and log into my Facebook account to read and reply to your message. If you've got my real email address, please use it.

2. Add old friends and then forget about them
This is the biggest social networking crime of them all. How many times has it happened? You haven't seen someone for 20 years; you vaguely recognise their name but not their face. They add you as a friend on Facebook and then after you accept them, you never hear from them again.

3. Adding people you don't even know
It's one thing to add an old friend and then never speak to them. It's another to add anyone whose name you kind of vaguely sort of recognise. It's like that old man in the pub who slaps everyone on the back as if they were old pals, when in actual fact he has no friends, largely because of this habit.

4. Adding single-serving holiday friends
Some people just don't understand that the exchanging of email addresses at the end of a holiday is just a social ritual and is absolutely not an invitation to add you to Facebook and then turn up unannounced at your house three months later.

5. Accepting friend invitations from people you don't know
It's one thing to complain about irritating people adding you on Facebook, but if you accept those invites, you've only got yourself to blame. If you scan through your Facebook friends list, you'll doubtless find a handful of people in there you barely know. It's a horrible realisation - like when you suddenly realise your hand is resting on a knob of someone else's chewing gum underneath a desk.

6. Update Facebook profile when you're supposedly ill
How many times have we seen it? Someone calls in sick in the morning and then updates their Facebook profile minute-by-minute throughout the day, documenting a day of ice cream, chips, video games and jumping on the bed. Get dressed and get to work you lazy hoodwink, or else you'll probably be fired. And it'd be your own fault for adding your boss to be your Facebook friend.

7. Write on a wall instead of communicating privately
The driving force behind the success of Facebook is... vanity. People love the idea that others are watching what they're doing. Tell me this: for what reason would you invite someone to a private party by writing on their wall, other than to show off to all the people on their friends list who you don't want to come? It just makes you look like a tit, so don't do it.

8. Moan in your Facebook status
The most annoying thing that people do on Facebook is to spray their walls with vanity-filled drivel, by posting self-indulgent awfulness in their status updates. "Kerry is sorry how it ended but it had to be done. I love you and will miss you, and I hope you can apologise one day". Oh sod off. If you've got something to say to someone, say it. Don't post it on your wall because no one else is interested, and people just think you're a prat.

9. Other irritating status updates
No, "Dave is" is not an acceptable status update, nor is it original or in any way clever. "Dave just is..." is equally as inexcusable. And "Dave is Dave is Dave" is downright taking the piss. Oh, and song lyrics are also a no-no. "Sandra was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows she's miserable now" will impress people about the same amount as Morrissey's saggy, miserable face.

10. Upload drunken pictures the morning after
Have a little common sense. If you go out for a big one on a Wednesday night, posting humiliating, drunken photos of your friends on Thursday morning is a recipe for disaster. Because when I call in sick at 9am, the last thing I want my boss to say is: "I've seen the pictures of you crawling in the gutter last night. I'm not amused or impressed, now get to work!"

11. Joining ridiculous chain-mail groups
Why do people insist on joining groups such as "On the X of May, everyone has to panic buy carrots"? Come on people, how stupid are you? There's one group on Facebook devoted to nullifying the vegetarian moral crusade, and it's called: "For every animal you don't eat, I'm going to eat three". That's a good group name. "I think Ryan Seacrest is the best presenter ever" is not.

12. Starting said groups
Enough said.

13. Lazy grammar and spelling mistrakes
Reading Facebook is like perusing a six-year olds' English copybook. Come on, people: 'Your' is 'your'. 'You are' is 'you're'. It really isn't hard to get that little one right. And understanding the difference between there, their and they're surely isn't too much of a challenge?

14. Upload photos to Facebook and deleting originals
Uploading photos to Facebook can be a very handy way of sharing your holiday snaps. But for the love of God, don't lose your originals. Facebook is terrible at compressing and resizing images - it turns your 14MP panoramas into 14KB monstrosities. Facebook is not a suitable repository to store your precious photos!

15. Inviting me to be a Zombie Pirate Snot Monster
Please don't do that ever ever again